Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
