youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
birth control should be required to get into college
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
