do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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