I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
