Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
