I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
we should paint friendship bongs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
