I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
