I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
