The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
