I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
