Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
