I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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