I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
