oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
