I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize