I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
