i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
