I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you never un-have a 4some
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
