At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just had sex bonerless
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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