how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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