The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
