Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
