There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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