You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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