Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
