So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
