who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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