I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Mom said you looked used
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
