so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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