Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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