when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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