I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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