The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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