if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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