imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
