My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
