Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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