I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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