who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
