the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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