Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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