woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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