does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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