Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
