i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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