woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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