Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
