There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
two words: eviction party
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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