people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
