My liver just broke up with me...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
