dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
