I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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