The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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