Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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