Betty ford says i'm here all night
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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