I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize