Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
