is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
