bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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