Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
