i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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