Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
